


True Britanian

by SpeculativeCorvid



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Board Games, Crack, Drinking, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21689455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeculativeCorvid/pseuds/SpeculativeCorvid
Summary: A long time ago in 2013, I took a break from a story to write a crackfic based on the game from the show 'New Girl', called 'True American.' I found this in my archives, and it made me laugh enough that I wanted to move it over from my long-dead FF.net account and bring it here.This is pure 2013 Crack!Fic.Unedited and unchanged from the original.
Relationships: Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade, Sebastian Moran/Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	True Britanian

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the original A/N: 
> 
> "Hey! I got stuck on "The King and The Artist", so I decided to get rid of my writer's block by writing a crackfic! :D For those who are unaware, the game that everyone is playing is "True American" a drinking game played on the show New Girl. Google it if you like, it's really fun to play, and this story might make more sense if you have a basic understanding of it.
> 
> Enjoy the crack!
> 
> (Review if you like it :3)"

"Sherlock!" The short ex-army doctor angrily shouted as he bounded up the stairs, "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!" John Watson threw open the apartment door to find his dark-haired roommate balancing delicately on the thin ledge of the mantle, supporting himself using a long broom handle.

"John!" Sherlock exclaimed loudly, slurring slightly. "The floor is lava, John! Get up get up get up!"

"Sherlock?" John questioned.

"Oi, come on Jawn!" Another voice shouted, and John looked over to find the grey haired fox that was Gregory Lestrade standing of the windowsill. "If you're gonna play, you gotta play the right way!"

"Play what!?" The hedgehog man exclaimed, noticing now that there were several other people in the apartment as well. Mycroft was balancing a plate of cake on top of his broom whilst standing of the back of John's chair, Molly Hooper was sitting indian style of the coffee table, and whilst a dark haired Irishman that he knew as Moriarty was humming as he balanced himself on a yellow plastic bucket that had been placed upside down.

Sherlock rolled his marvelous eyes, causing John to shiver in ecstasy. "We're playing True American, John. We're mimicking the native ways of the brutish man that is known as an _American."_ At that, Sherlock took a drink from a beer can that John hadn't noticed because he had been staring at his devilishly handsome roommate's hair. "One, two, three!" He shouted, raising his hand to his head, signing out the number three. Lestrade threw up two fingers, Moriarty threw up five and Molly threw up three.

"Oh drat!" Molly cried out as she was forced to stay standing on the coffee table. Lestrade nimbly hopped onto Sherlock's chair, Moriarty took his place at the windowsill, Mycroft winked at the blushing fox as he waltzed onto the bucket, and Sherlock hung from the bookshelf.

"How do I play?" John asked, intrigued. Any game that involved Sherlock getting tipsy and more likely to have make-out times, was a game for him!

"Well…." The British Government started, eating a bite of cake, "It's 50% drinking game, 50% life-sized Candy Land."

"No, no!" Moriarty shouted as he started to sing. "It's 75% drinking, 20% Candy Land, and by the way… The floooooor issssss Laaaaaaavaaaaaa!"

"Actually, Jawn…." Said the smooth and deep voice of his beautiful roommate spoke up, "it's 90% drinking, with a loose Candy Land structure to it."

"I'm in!" He cried, throwing off the random kittens that had been attached to his fluffy jumper. He grabbed a drink from the desk in the center of the room, and clambered on top of the side table.

Lestrade started shouting. "One, Two, Three! JFK!"

"FDR!" The group responded, as each person downed the rest of their beer and grabbed a new can from the Beer Castle in the middle of the room.

Mycroft spoke up from his place on the bucket. "Cake, umbrellas!"

The room was noisy as everyone started to voice their opinions. "They both are edible!" Shouted Molly.

"They both are used in movies!"

The shouting continued as Mycroft continued to shake his head. "No, no!"

Lestrade suddenly spoke up, winking saucily at the Queen. "You've used both in a kinky sex game!"

The room was stunned into silence, but that evaporated when Mycroft blushed and shook his head yes. Lestrade cheered and moved closer to the Beer Castle, well on his way to drinking the shot glass of tequila that was the King.

"This is Halloween, this is halloween!" Lestrade started singing.

"PUMPKINS SCREAM IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!" Moriarty shrieked, finishing Lestrade's sentence. He cackled evilly as he leapt towards the center.

"Truth shot!" Squeaked Molly, as she noticed that Sherlock's dainty foot had brushed the floor. "Fourteenth American State!"

"Vermont!" Shouted Sherlock as he took a shot of a pink colored liquid from the middle of the room. "If the bee disappeared off the face of the Earth,"He recited nobly, slurring his words only a little bit.

"Man would only have four years left to live." John finished for him. He had heard his lovely roommate recite passages of that particular book many times. He took a long drink from his can, and wobbled his way onto the red bucket set by the entrance to the kitchen. "One, two, three!" At the end of his count, John held up four fingers to his head. Sherlock held up another three, while Molly and Mycroft held up a one, and Moriarty held up five. John moved closer to the center table, jumping easily from the red bucket to Sherlock's chair, thanks to the parachute effect of his large beige jumper. Sherlock crossed opposite of him, and Moriarty slyly crept his way onto the desk.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens… Bright copper kettle and arm woolen mittens! Brown paper packages all tied up with string!" Moriarty sang gayly, thinking of his blood splattered sniper who was at home waiting for him.

"These are a few of my favorite things!" Molly finished, as she loved to watch 'The Sound of Music'. In fact, it played on repeat on her TV. Her cat, Fuzzykins was at home watching it at that very minute. She drank, per the rules, and finished her beer. "All trash belongs!" She shouted.

"IN THE JUNK YARD!" Everyone else shouted in tandem, as they all guzzled down the rest of their can, and grabbed a new one from the Castle in the middle.

Molly continued her turn. "Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!"

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" Finished Mycroft. He had heard Sherlock sing pirate chanteys throughout their entire childhood. It had lead to several things: he felt sick whenever someone mentioned walking the plank, and he had grown to want to see a certain Detective Inspector in pirate garb. "Pineapples, apples!"

"Both fruits!" Shouted Lestrade, who, despite his graying hair, managed to nimbly jolt across the room onto the table that the Castle of alcohol was perched on. A path was clear to the glass of brandy in the center, and Lestrade grabbed it up and took a swig. "Long live the King!" He was allowed to chant this as he had won this game more than fifty-seven times. He was a party boy, after all. "Where be my lovely queen?" Lestrade asked, somehow transforming into a dashing pirate outfit.

"I hold a minor position in the British Government!" Mycroft shouted, suddenly feeling quite hot as he saw his dashing pirate king detective inspector beckon him. Suddenly, a long flowing pink gown replaced his neat three piece suit. The dress was decorated in lace designs set to look like cake, with a little crown that had cake-shaped gems on it. He sprinted up to Lestrade, who spun and dipped him.

"I claim thee as my spoils!" He growled, replacing the sword in his pirate garb with Mycroft's umbrella (in a totally not sexual innuendo-ish way).

"Jawn!" Sherlock belted out, the tall man-otter darting to his hedgehog like roommate, who was sobbing sadly.

"I wanted to w-win!" Sobbed Jawn. Tiny droplets of jam rained from his eyes as tears.

"It's okay! You still have me!" Otterlock said, licking his roommates tears away. "I don't know how an otter and a hedgehog work in the bedroom, but we'll google it!"

Molly averted her eyes from the radiant love before her, slowly meeting Moriarty's dark wolf-like eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but was stopped by the red sniper-dot that appeared on her forehead. "I've got a boyfriend, sweetie!" Moriarty shouted. He jumped out the window into his strong sniper's arms, who ran away with him bridal style.

"At least I have my cat..." Molly said sadly. "And Netflix!"


End file.
